Love and other things…

The urban love story is quite unique in the sense of gender roles and the relationship between males and females. These two characters, Quincy and Monica, take to very separate positions in the society roles and life decisions. Quincy plays the gender specific all american male athlete from an upper middle class family. He models his decisions and goals as a young boy after the ideal lifestyle he believes his father leads. His father, and nationally recognized NBA player and family provider, allows for Quincy to indulged in the safest goals and most difficult goals to achieve– being like someone else. Though this Quincy projected his fathers life-style into his own life. Even inheriting his flaws.

Monica is a unique character to study. During this women’s revolutionary periods Monica creates her own independent gender role as a female basketball player focus on the personal satisfaction of achieving the most success through something she loves, the sport. Constantly making it aware that she was first always a “ball player.”  Monica’s mother and sister are not female figures whom seemed to influence Monica. The nurturing , providing, and motherly roles were not replication of Monica’s ideas of success as a woman. So she decided to  rewrite the easiest ways to full be able to fulfill her dreams.

During childhood, Quincy and Monica experienced a high level of Immediacy. Through living in a close physical proximity and playing a contact sport, the two were able to advance extremely fast on the continuum. Also eventually when the two matured to a level to act on desires of physical attraction is was acceptable to progress from immediacy to intimacy. “If someone is saying something nice about us, we are likely to stand closer, listen more attentively, have more eye contact, smile, and perhaps even touch” (Hickson, 2008). In Monica’s case these positive behaviors from Quincy allowed her to be comfortable enough to open up towards intimacy. However, a negative shift in the continuum occurred when Quincy felt as if he was not being “reciprocated” the same positive support from Monica. When Quincy’s parents relationship broke up the needed the tactile and spatial behaviors in his favor from Monica. When this did not happen the shift in the continuum is downward towards verbal hostility and aggression. Eventually the two needed time apart. We remember that “men often mask their emotions more than women” (Hickson, 2008).

Monica did not exhibit normal cultural manifestations through her gender role. She was a “tomboy”. Monica showed no interest in the stereotypical ways of her mother, being a homemaker. Monica wore the jeans and t-shirts, played along side the boys, and held her place as a goal driven female. Not there to serve a man. Quincy, however, was “the” man. He knew at a young age that just like his father, he was to provide for his family, walk tall, be important and assertive, attracting the females to him. Even if this made him emotionally unavailable at times or even oblivious to the hardship this puts on the need of equality in the relationship.

Tactile cues and gesture and body movements were contributing nonverbal categories for the couple. I really believe thought their common interest, basketball, which is high in contact and gesture this kept the couple together. However many environmental factors worked negatively for Monica and Quincy. “Some areas seem to drive people apart, to be non-immediate” (Hickson, 2008). Outside factors such as; gender roles, other women, parents, and social success took a toll on the dynamic of the relationship.

Monica and Quincy had similar self perceptions of themselves, as they were built from the desire to achieve very specific goals. Quincy was determined to become like his father. Monica wanted to be the first female NBA player. They could only see themselves through what they wanted to be when they were older. Although, when Quincy realized his father was not so great after all, and Monica realized the basketball was not fun after an important person was not involved, they both suffer huge identity confusions.  They both had to learn to see what was really important and how not to  mimic others.

Visually watching Monica and Quincy date and interact reminded me of similar dating situations i have seen or experienced as a young adult. The touchiness of a significant other and the constant engaging with one another is nice to see and shows the good side of courting. Actually watching Monica and Quincy share common interest influences the success of the relationship. I learned a lot from Quincy’s character in the ways of male perspective. Men do in fact need a women, who is their mate. to be more emotionally available in the relationship.  Due to the fact that men are unable to express their extreme emotions, we must become interpreters and know when to “be there”. My advice for the couple would be to use actual communication as a tool in their relationship. Too many wires were crossed during their non-verbal behaviors that not having enough verbal communications did not help them. The realm of understanding is one that would make things easier for the couple.

Things to Consider…

I want to CRASH into you!

Before we begin, let us allow Beyonce to set the mood:

Great.

There are so many compelling ways to approach the dramatic film Crash, however I will shift focus towards one character; Officer Hansen played by Ryan Phillipe. The actors of this film all did wonderful jobs at their craft. While viewing the film you are most certainly drawn in to the world you see portrayed on-screen. You become emotionally invested beginning for find hope, sadness, and hatred as the storyline builds.

Officer Hansen has an innocence and perception of the world around him that is in the beginning commendable and stands out amongst his peers who lack the sensitivity towards the differences that make every person unique. However, Hansen’s small frame, youthful appearance, and lack there of a commanding tone of voice acts to foreshadowing the coming of age he is soon to experience. There is no apparent volatile nature or any indication that Hansen in the movements and gesture that he should be closely watched for stereotypical racial motives. He is just a young male in for a cultural crash course.

It would seem as if Officer Hansen was in the perfect position in society. A white male police officer in the city of Los Angeles seems as if he is in the advantage of societies social roles. The North American white  male has always been given the impression that their position as a elite majority gives them power. However Hansen does not come into is position as a officer to exercise that power. He actually wants to value the belief that we  are all equal in social class. But I saw this as a easy target for Hansen to be taken advantage of be minorities and lower class individuals wanting to exploit and gain superiority over Hansen’s position.

Hansen never showed fear of other races or individuals cultural differences nor did he attempt to use his position of power in vain. Unfortunately, this may have proved to be his down fall. He risked his employment reputation by reporting the bigotry of his shift partner and even saved a black man for the arm of the law by standing up for his rights during a police stand off. This exact innocence and openness allow Hansen to pick up a strange, young, black male hitchhiker. Althought the hitchhiker was unarmed, when faced with unfamiliar characteristics of his African-American ethnicity Hansen was placed in a scared and defensive state. Confused and scared Hansen committed the same racial profiling he had earlier fought against and killed the hitchhiker and ultimatleey raped away his own innocence.

We learn alot from Officer Hansen, that there is never much shame in being socially and racially aware, nor fault in being fair. We cannot die by our own pressure and fear of things that are unknown.

Quote of the Day

Something About the Way You Move

Your body posture is like the North Star that guides your physiological processes to optimal well-being. Correct body posture is tantamount to positive health in mental, physical and spiritual realms. According to the Lance Armstrong organization Livestrong,  recent research has indicated that your daily posture reflects your own self-perceptions and self-esteem more accurately than the perceptions others have of you.

Posture and confidence have been heavily related as the stance and visual state of an individual are often the primary tools used to gather information about a person. In a simplistic example, if you have ever been around a small child whom needed to use the bathroom but had not use words to express that desire. The distress and urgency is obvious in the way the child crosses their legs, slumps over, and rocks back and forth. At this point it is clear that the child has a need which has to be met in order to restore a calmer relaxed state. All this is evaluated through nonverbal emotions, gesticulation, posture, and movement.

According to research published in the” European Journal of Social Psychology” in 2009, your body posture can have positive or negative effects on mood and confidence. The study, performed on 71 Ohio State University students,  revealed that a slumped posture before a job interview can manifest as drooping self-esteem in future interviews. Slumped participants rated their abilities and future job performance with much lower gusto than those sitting with an upright and confident posture.

Often in a classroom setting students reveal a large amount about themselves non-verbally from the moment they take their seat. For most teaching professionals it is relatively easy to distinguish a students disinterest by the way they sit slumped over, arms and legs tightly crossed, with head a nd neck downward. It is the classic signs of hoping to be ignored. There is no clear distinction between male and female students who practice these type of postural cues.

Societal roles and titles don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to posture, according to a 2011 study published in “Psychological Science.” Embracing an expansive posture enabled men in the study to feel empowered and in control; a constricted posture had the opposite effect. In addition, the expansive posture elevated communicative and action abilities during word and game analysis. Researchers believe that posture activates power-like behaviors in all societal roles that may otherwise sit dormant.

Fabulously 40 and Beyond provides that staying cool under pressure means keeping your posture relaxed and body “open.” This means no crossed arms or legs and no clenched fists.  People often, but mistakenly, believe crossing their legs in formal situations and conversations indicates that they are comfortable and at ease.  However, studies show that this sitting position can be interpreted as defensive, indicating that the person is hiding something.  You want to appear open and available for questions and concerns, not guarded and secretive. 

Below is a video which is amusing and helpful in the detection of posture and movement cues for individuals in intimate situations. It provides small insight for one to keep in mind with communicating with someone who exhibits a wide range of nonverbal cues. Are they really interested in what you have to say?

Quote of the Day

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. – Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein

Understanding Your Brain Type

How often is it that you have been in a business class or atmosphere discussing new ideas and there is always the one individual who can only grasp the statistics but not the social ideals. They are often not in tune with how things affect society or everyone in the neighboring community. Lacking true empathy to coexist with logic (Pink, 2006).  Daniel Pink addresses an understandable argument that places the age of information and knowledge slowly succeeding to second place to the new wave of high concept and high touch competencies, and I agree. Then again, I am a prominent right-brained individual. Left-brained, analytical, and over-thinkers should step aside to the true revolutionaries whom will create and design for the better beyond their capacity.

In an experimental study (Crossman & Polich, 1989), where participants were given the Myers-Briggs (personality) Type Indicator, the corresponding scores from the personality inventory indicated that the two subject groups differed on fundamental personality attributes. I as possess a somewhat balanced divide of right-brained 59% and left-brained 41%, provided by The Brain Test Exam from Test Cafe, I am not surprised by these results. I often find my self having a self-described method to my chaos, a typical right-brain. Right-brained people are better able to work with the imagination to develop creative solutions to problems. They are generally spontaneous individuals who respond emotionally to circumstances. And, they have a way of creating art out of thin air. They are the type of people who see all the colors of the rainbow, can distinguish the scents of blossoms in the air, and dream in color. (Pagay, 2002)

Its “believe that the right brain is the repository of all that is good and just and noble in the human condition (Pink, 2006).” I was well rehearsed in the art from an early age. Although I sometimes enjoy an interesting science lesson, my extroverted, social, and dreamer style has always taken over. I relate more to people and experiences which have all helped to cultivate my empathy and ability to decode nonverbal behavior and feeling with ease. My intuitive nature can walk me further than statistics and textbooks ever could. My cognitive composition make my innovative and easily able to adapt in business and social relationships. As a right-brained communicator, I am open and honest. Invaluable to mankind.

Daniel Pink lets me know that the foundation has been laid out for my kind by the information found by left-brain thinkers. Now to take everything a step further using what they have started. Where logic meets innovation.

Here is a fun cartoon to wrap things up. The idea of left and right brain individually and working together:

Hello

Angela Baylis for Nonverbal Communication.